When Personal Pride Is Doing the Leader’s Job

During a recent virtual workshop, someone asked a thoughtful question: “Doesn’t personal pride make the biggest impact on engagement and the quality of someone’s work?”His point was that even when someone has a poor boss, pride can still push that person to do excellent work.

He was right.

Many people carry a strong internal standard. They care deeply about the quality of their work. They do not want to let down a customer, student, patient, teammate, or coworker. Their name is attached to the outcome, and they want that outcome to be good.

Personal pride can be incredibly powerful. It can also hide poor leadership.
A person may continue producing great work while becoming more frustrated, exhausted, guarded, or disconnected. The work still gets done, so the leader assumes everything is fine.
Meanwhile, the employee is spending far more emotional energy than should be necessary simply to maintain the same level of performance.
High performance does not always equal high engagement. Sometimes it means someone cares too much to let the work suffer.

I have heard leaders say people need to become more resilient, develop thicker skin, or learn to deal with difficult personalities. Of course, people need resilience. Work will always include pressure, setbacks, difficult conversations, and challenging people.

Resilience should never become an excuse for demeaning, dismissive, or careless leadership.
Why would any leader want an employee’s resilience to compensate for leadership that could be better?
Personal pride may keep someone performing for a while. It does not remove the emotional cost. Over time, people may stop sharing ideas, taking risks, asking questions, or giving extra effort.

Eventually, they may decide to take their pride, experience, and talent somewhere else.

That affects more than retention. Talented people talk, and the experience employees have with their leaders can strengthen an organization’s reputation or make it harder to attract the next great person.
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The leader may be surprised when someone leaves. The people working beside them probably will not be.

Three Questions for Leaders
1. Am I looking beyond the finished product? A strong result can hide a difficult experience. Ask people where unnecessary stress showed up and what made the process harder than it needed to be.
2. Is my team energized or simply dependable? Dependable people often keep delivering long after they have stopped feeling supported. Notice changes in participation, creativity, communication, and enthusiasm.
3. Am I asking people to be resilient around problems I am helping create? Before suggesting someone needs thicker skin, pause and ask: “What responsibility do I have for the experience this person is having?” That question takes courage. It also gives leaders a chance to improve before their best people decide to leave.
Personal pride is a tremendous asset. It can fuel excellent work, meaningful contribution, and a genuine sense of accomplishment. It should not have to protect people from their leader.